A couple of classics from The Onion:
Roof On Fire Claims Lives Of 43 Party People
37 Record-Store Clerks Feared Dead In Yo La Tengo Concert Disaster
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"But I go on this great republican principle, that the people will have virtue and intelligence to select men of virtue and wisdom. Is there no virtue among us? If there be not, we are in a wretched situation. No theoretical checks—no form of government can render us secure. To suppose that any form of government will secure liberty or happiness without any virtue in the people, is a chimerical idea." --James Madison, 1788
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