"We Are Not Fascists, and If You Call Us Fascists, We Will Arrest You"

"Fascist regimes have classic, telltale traits, like vilifying immigrants, adopting patriotic symbolism of their nation's glorious past, embracing a narrow definition of masculinity and family values, and striving for economic and diplomatic self-sufficiency. But just because we also do all of those things does not make us fascists. That the unhinged left insists otherwise is proof that we're really the victims in all of this. Which is why we must apprehend and silence our critics in self-defense."

From Carlos Greaves at McSweeney's.