"Remains Of Ancient Race Of Job Creators Found In Rust Belt"

"'By today's standards, the job creators' society was highly unusual,' anthropologist Carla Delgado of the Smithsonian Institution said. 'One of its more bizarre customs involved workers being employed at the same job at the same location day in and day out for their entire adult lives. It was grueling, perhaps, but astonishingly, some of these individuals were able to set aside part of their earnings for the future, slowly saving money with the hope of improving the prospects of their offspring.'
"'The amazing part is, this bafflingly high level of economic security went on for generations,' Delgado added."

From The Onion.