"All Of Area Man's Hard Work Finally Pays Off For Employer"

"'I'm sure there were times when Sam wondered if it was all really worth it, especially considering he had to pay for a lot of his medication and doctor's visits out of his own pocket,' said Pardahee, who in 2009 forced all his account managers to become contract employees so he would no longer have to provide them with health care benefits. 'But he never complained once, and now that Sam has helped Pinnacle earn record profits by not taking a single day off for more than five years, I can finally relax and take another long vacation to Turks and Caicos. After all, Sam earned it for me.'
"The CEO added that nothing is more satisfying than a job well done by someone else."

From The Onion.