"Investigation Finds Secret Service Failed To Account For Nation's 393 Million Guns"

"'Despite countless past warnings, the Secret Service failed to heed the real threat posed to the former president by the hundreds of millions of firearms in the hands of everyday Americans,' said Rep. Mark Green (R-TN), the committee's chair, who called upon Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle to resign due to her 'shocking negligence' in failing to address decades of evidence pointing to a dramatic rise in the number of rifles, pistols, and shotguns in circulation around the country."

From The Onion.