"Supremes Court Upholds Stopping In The Name Of Love In 2-1 Decision"

"This case marks the first challenge against the stopping-in-the-name-of-love doctrine first established more than 40 years ago by the Supremes Court, the nation's highest judicial trio, which presides over the federal government's Motown branch. The Supremes Court has set numerous anti-heartbreak precedents since that time, including the 1964 overturning of Georgia's breaking-up laws in favor of more lenient kissing/making-up statutes, and a 1966 decision that deemed unconstitutional the practice of hurrying love, which was determined to be in direct violation of what the court's mama said."

From The Onion.